"A Journey from Giving Up to Spreading Hope" by Minerva Labbad
One of the first questions we were asked as children was, “What do you want to be when
you grow up?” And from there, we would start to dive into our imaginations. As children we
used to build a lot of beautiful dreams to chase after as we grow up, but we never thought about
the fact that some things do not always go as planned. People go through many things in their
lives, things that make them get frustrated and overwhelmed with feelings they never wished for,
leading them to the point where they just give up. I have been through such situations too; I
almost gave up on all the dreams I once had, but then I was able to realize that giving up was
never the solution.
When I was eleven years old, my mother and I were living at my grandparents’ house
after my father and brother had traveled to another country. At the time, I was very attached to
one of my uncles. He was an amazing man and had the kindest personality; and for me, he was a
father figure whom I truly admired. However, one day, at a very unexpected moment, he had a
heart attack; and a while after he was taken to the hospital, he died. My mind could not process
what was happening: one moment ago, we were laughing all together, and the second moment he
was dying right in front of my eyes; the only thing I was able to say when I received the news
was, “What do you mean he’s gone? You’re lying!” My uncle’s death was the first breakdown
moment of my life; it was my first loss of a beloved one, and my second goodbye to a father. I
couldn’t believe it, or rather, I did not want to, nor did I want to believe that seeing him alive the
next day was only a dream.
After that, I faced other challenges that turned me from an energetic to an introverted
person. I received discouragement for things I loved doing, like hearing that my drawings will
only end up in the trash. I was excluded from places and by people I wished to be around; but the
worst to face was bullying. It was one of my biggest dreams to have many friends and be loved
by others; I was so fond of that idea, but things didn’t go as I had once imagined. I was always
bullied and judged by people around me: relatives, people I thought to be my closest friends, and
even children who were younger than me, which made me hate children despite being one
myself; it was either for things I say or how I think or act. Going through such things made me
lose trust in myself and hate being around people, but I never told my mother about it, as I was
also witnessing the struggles she was facing. Having a stressful job, a son living far away, and
me, a daughter she had to raise. I didn’t want to add my problems to hers, and so I became an
introvert and started to think that being a child is not an option for me anymore. I gave up on my
dreams and thought it was time for me to grow up, but I was mistaken.
Being an introvert made me lose my energetic self and the ability to communicate with
others. I feared being judged or laughed at, so I wouldn’t talk to others unless I needed to, even
during classes. I didn’t know, however, that life was hiding some surprises for me. When I was
13, my cousin, Celina, was born; this was when I started to change. Despite hating children, I
had to take care of her from time to time since we were living at the same house, but doing so
made me look at things differently. I started to understand the meaning of life, happiness, and
having a reason to live for; it even opened my eyes to the efforts my mother was putting in for
me. Celina’s smile became my happiness, and living for my mom and her became my first
reason.
A while later, life rewarded me once again, this time with amazing friends who were like
no one I ever met. They brought back my energetic self, my trust in myself and others, and were
there for me without me asking. These people reminded me of my dreams again, the person I
once was, and more importantly, what it meant to be happy.
I once watched a movie where a girl was trying to bring back life to someone who once
tried to abandon it, and she was telling him a story about happiness. She said:
The angels wanted to give a lesson to those who think that they do not know the
value of happiness. “Let’s hide happiness,” they said, “let’s hide it in a place
where it cannot be easily found, so that humans can put effort and hard work into
finding it, and so understand its value.” But of course, they realized that it was no
easy task, they could not find a place to hide happiness. Some said, “let’s put it at
the top of mountain Qaf (1),” others said, “let’s bury it in the depths of the Atlantic
Ocean,” but none of these ideas were approved. Then, one of them stood out and
hesitantly said, “in my opinion, we should hide happiness inside the humans
themselves, because it will not come to anyone’s mind that the happiness they are
looking for is, in fact, inside them. (One Breath Enough)
I turned to look inside myself; I found happiness and peace in drawing, so I draw. I found
it in being around the people I love and seeing them happy, so I live for that. I turned to look
inside myself, and I found happiness in being around children, and so I added to my dreams one
more: to make children happy. Life taught me that giving up and escaping from my problems
was not the solution, that this way I would be only rewarding myself; but with moving on, I will
be rewarding the people who trusted and believed in me and my dreams, and in turn, their smile
and pride will be mine. Two years ago, I came to the U.S.A, once again departing from the
people I love; this time, though, I’m looking at the bright side of life. I’m running to achieve
these dreams and promises I made; I stopped giving up, and now I’m studying child psychology
to be there for children who were once like me, and give them the hope I once needed. Not only
children, but also to each person who is tired of life’s hardships, and of waiting for something
positive and beautiful to happen. As hard as it might seem, there are still people who love you;
there are still reasons for you to live, and even if there are none, create your own reason and live
for it.
(1) Mount Qaf in Arabic tradition is a mysterious mountain renowned as the "farthest point of the earth" owing to its
location at the far side of the ocean encircling the earth.
