"Building Myself Back Up from a Concussion" by Nevaeh Ritsick
I had always heard about concussions happening to athletes who got hit in the head too
many times. I thought since I don’t play any contact sports that will not happen to me. The lesson
I now know is it can happen to anyone at any time, as I learned one historic day in November
2018. The day started off like every other at 5:45 A.M. getting up for school. By 6:30 A.M, I was
ready to head out to school and was heading to the car. It was in that moment that I leaned down
to pick up my dog to put him into the car. This seems like a simple enough task, but in this case,
something was about to go very wrong. After picking up my dog, I went to stand back up, not
realizing how close I was to the garage door. As I was coming back to a standing motion my
head tipped backwards and hit the heavy garage door. Luckily, I was able to stay conscious and
get into the car with the dog. It was not until three hours later at school that I felt the effects of
hitting my head. It was then when the doctors said to me that I had a concussion.
This was when my mental health journey first took a major dip. After that initial
diagnosis by an emergency department doctor, I realized so much in my life would change. The
first thing to change was all the different doctors and medical professionals I would have to see,
the first of which was a concussion specialist, who said that my numbers did not match the
normal criteria. So he would have to take a very unorthodox approach in treating me. This was
when the first of new overwhelming feelings popped up: confusion. Confusion in why was I so
different from everyone else? Would anyone know how to help me or would I be in pain forever?
It would take some time, but I eventually got some answers. It took lots of trials, but eventually a
proper plan was put in place, proper medications and physical therapy. That quieted the
confusion for a bit, until I went to a follow up appointment where it was found I was getting
worse and not better. Enter in the feeling of frustration of being in pain all the time, something I
still deal with today and the lasting effects.
It took over seven months to be deemed “clear” from the concussion. But thanks to the
disorder known as post-concussion syndrome, you are never truly free from it. It has been six
years since the day I was injured, and I am still feeling the effects, some of which I may be
dealing with for the rest of my life. The biggest are daily migraines, vertigo, and chronic neck
pain. But even though these issues are incredibly frustrating, it has taught me humility and inner
strength.
Another thing I learned with concussions is the effects they can have on your social and
academic life. Right after the impact I was told to wait a few days to go back to school,which I
did not follow. That is a choice I majorly regret now as it could have made a difference. Going to
school with a concussion feels like an out-of-body experience, considering you can’t do anything
but just sit there and try to be present and to stay awake.You can’t do any work as that could
strain your eyes further, so you just have to sit in class and act like you are paying attention. But
I’m going to be honest, I was so out of it I don’t remember much of what happened academically
that year, my junior year. This is the worst time to get a concussion as that is the most important
year of high school, during which I spent most of it on temporary medical excusals. This meant
once I was cleared, I had a major backlog of work to complete. That caused my anxiety to kick
into overdrive as I was trying to organize everything. Years later I would learn this is a major
characteristic of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), which I have had most of
my life but was diagnosed in 2022.
I would have to say the all time low during this time had to be my life socially. Any kind
of injury is going to bring unwanted attention, but concussions take it to a whole other level. The
first being that you stick out like a sore thumb; you have to wear sunglasses inside, due to the
harsh sensitivity to light, and occasionally use headphones or earmuffs to block out sound.
Walking through the halls, one of the top things I heard was, “Are those glasses trying to cover
up the fact you are high?” It was cute at first, but after awhile, it got old, considering I did not
have much of a defense against it. I expected my fellow students to say things to me, but I was
not prepared for the response from the teachers during this time. I had one long-term substitute
who overall did not care about the class, but left a major impact on my recovery. She would yell
instead of speak to the class, and loud noises mixed with a concussion do not end well. After
reminding her about this issue for two days, I was really frustrated, so I decided to use my voice
and stand up for myself. I reminded the sub that I had a concussion and I was really bothered by
loud noises and would it be possible for her to speak in a lower tone. This seemed to take her off
guard, and she yelled back, “If you don’t like all the noise, then you can leave.” So I left the
classroom and did not return until she left. That was a big deal during this time because my
confidence was depleted at this point.
As if that was not crazy enough, that is not where this story ends. The last pivotal
moment took place in an environmental science class that I was not even in. Many of my friends
and my partner at the time were giving me the details of what happened. During the class they
were discussing my concussion and how they believed that I was faking it for sympathy since I
did not “look injured.” Now you might be thinking everyone has the right to their own opinion,
and they do, but I think it is a problem when the teacher sat there and did not do anything about
it. She went as far as agreeing with what they were saying. While this was going on, my friends
were standing up for me, but it was someone I least expected who stopped the conversation. It
was someone I had never gotten along with, but had known for a long time. He said, “How have
you guys not noticed she is not okay? She is quiet, dazed and not even arguing with me
anymore!” All of this was true; I faded to the background at the time just watching life go on
past me. Overall, what he said stopped them, and from that point on, no one said anything else
about my concussion. That was nice, and I was very appreciative, but something still did not feel
right.
The “thing” that did not feel right was me, as I did not know who I was anymore. Gone
was this confident girl who stood up for her rights and spoke her mind. I was now a shell of that
girl–timid, angry, and overall exhausted. That makes sense for dealing with a traumatic
experience, but even after I was “cleared,” I continued to feel this way. It put me into a deep funk
that took about three years to get out of (a year after I graduated high school). So, how did I do
this? I found a way to build myself back up, from the hole I felt I was in. It took lots of work
with my therapist to process all my past experiences and how they made me feel. I learned that
you always can use your voice and to speak up for yourself. I have learned that not everyone is
going to like you and that it’s normal and something you have to live with. But what you should
not have to live with is not liking or being yourself; no one should ever dull your sparkle! I’m
not perfect, and I still have my bad days, but I now know that they don’t define me and who I
want to be. And it’s crazy to think I learned all of this from a concussion. I guess it’s true that
you can find inspiration anywhere.
